If a stranger saw my Internet search history, they would be appalled.
Some of the best gems from the past couple of weeks alone: how much blood can you lose before you die? … fastest way to murder an elephant … plane crash survival tips … can you live off of Cheez-Its and Coca Cola? … psychological disorders in dentists … world’s deadliest poisons … most effective demon exorcisms …
Never fear: despite common opinion, I’m not actually a psychopath bent on destroying the world – just a writer. (Though one would be surprised to discover how many times they are one and the same.)
And, perhaps fundamentally linked: I’m also a reader. Again with the whole not-actually-a-psychopath-but-on-second-thought-maybe-they’re-the-same-thing spiel. Readers, I have come to believe, are just as guilty as writers when it comes to being morbidly fascinated by the intrinsic details of the human existence, various ways to die, and whether or not that character really deserved to have his brain pulled out through his nose. Honestly, I thank my lucky stars for the magic of Internet search engines, because – and do correct me if I’m wrong – I’m almost 100% sure that it’s not exactly socially acceptable to go around shooting people and taking notes on the blood splatters.
Okay, survey time: raise your hands if you were – or are – known in school as “that one quiet girl/boy/alien thing from Jupiter who reads a lot and bumps into stuff”. Good, I’m not the only one. But you see, non-readers don’t exactly understand that underneath the “quiet” façade, we tend to have thoughts that would make even the toughest tattooed biker cringe. After all, who else but a writer – or a reader – would Google “can you fit a body in the trunk of a Toyota Camry” and call it research? (You can, by the way.) Who else would mercilessly kill off characters and then, three chapters later, sob over them? Who else would construct worlds, languages, cultures, traditions – and then do away with all of them in favour of a Shiny New Idea?
Only us, my friends. Only us.
We are, I’ll admit, a temperamental sort – one minute snapping at our friends because GEEZ CAN’T YOU SEE I JUST GOT TO THE BEST PART, the next grinning like idiots because THEY FINALLY KISSED TOOK THEM LONG ENOUGH, the next sobbing our eyes out because IT’S NOT FAIR SHE DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE I HATE THE WORLD. And that’s only in readers. Being a writer is, if possible even worse, because you’re the one who causes all of that. It’s exhausting – to say the least. Oh, the perils of owning a creative mind.
And yet, at the same time, there is some comfort in being surrounded by those who are just as crazy as you are. I must confess, dear writer and reader friends – you are the most insane, irrational, ridiculously amazing group of people I have ever had the privilege of meeting. I will leave you with this: don’t be afraid to embrace your inner psychopath. Murder your favourite character and then bring him back to life. Laugh out loud at that one hilarious line of dialogue. Change the colour of her eyes to brown and then grey and then back again. Fall in love with the feeling of escaping into a fictional world. Read about badass little old ladies who have a black belt in karate and can still bake a killer apple pie, and then write your own. Screw anybody who tells you that you can’t do it – or, use them as research subjects on the viscosity of blood plasma.
Seriously, I promise you probably won’t have much of the CIA on your tail after they discover what’s in your search history.
(Just make sure to get the bloodstains out of the Camry when you’re done with the “research”.)
Thank you to the truly brilliant Topaz Winters; check out her blog here, http://www.topazwinters.wordpress.com oh and here’s a photograph and bio too!
Topaz Winters is 14 years old. Sometimes she makes music and other times she writes books. Her debut novel and album are dropping in 2014. You can bribe her with cheesecake or a very good cup of coffee. She currently lives in Singapore with her mom, dad, little sister, Japanese Spitz puppy, and way too many books.